Day after July 4th, 2008

Good morning people.

It is July 5th 2008. I am in Salem, Oregon on the to Hwy 101 to ride along the west coast.

Once again I am stuck in the never ending circling of the SSDD. It seems my life is full of things that I create as being not real. At least this is what my husband says. He tells me I create things so I can be miserable. Well, I am not miserable. I am trying to be realistic.

A few years ago in 2005, I had a friend in life. I will call him, Bob. Bob, George, and I became very close. I had not had a real close friend that lived near me or I was around since I moved away from my very best friend Darylene. So, having two new, friends, Bob and George was a great feeling. Well, Bob and I had a falling out over something...not sure...because he just decided one day to not have much to do with me. As I wrote to him to find answers, he finally wrote back to tell me I had negative energy and he did not want to be around someone like this. Also, during this time Bob started hanging around with another lady, Jill. It took me a while to figure it out, but he is now interested in Jill.

Now, I never thought of myself as being a negative person. So this added more hurt to the already wounded heart. I continued to try to get some explanation from him. Tried talking..that did not work...tried emailing to him...that did not work...so I eventually gave up.

Out of the blue, August of 2007, almost 1.5 yrs later I get an email from him asking how I was and if I would like to go sailing with him. Several of my friends told me NO it will only be hurtful. Of course, not being a negative person....which I really am not, I decided it would be ok.

And it was. We got caught up on the stuff of the past year or so while we sailed around the lake. It was a nice time.

As the year turned into 2008 times seemed to be almost back to the way they were. We would get together for this or that, but I should have known the good times would come to an end.

June of 2008, I sensed a change in Bob. I thought it was me creating things again. Like my husband had told me. So I ignored the signs and went about my days.

Then one day I thought I would see what Bob was doing because I was going to be in his town. He told me was going to meet a couple of friends, Jean and Jill, her sister might be there. too. Well, that told me right there why my friend's behaviors had changed. It was not until later I found out that Jill had moved back to her other life, and was not out seeking male companionship from others. So she is now interested again in Bob.

Funny, I never thought of myself losing out to an airhead vacumm. Jill fits this decription well. You say, a airhead vacuum and there is not air in a vacumm. Oxymoron you say....well this particular person is just that. I believe she is such a fake.

So, here I sit frustrated because I have lost out again with Bob. But it is easier this time. I can see Bob for who he is and not feel badly about not being good enough for him...It is the other way around ... he is no longer good enough for me.

Oh I suppose I will be willing to be friends again after this all blows over. But I really do not foresee it to blow over. Since Jill will not be leaving her husband this time....but she will still need to be out and about. She and Bob will be able to see each other on the side once again.

SSDD............have a nice day.